How to Practice Compassion Meditation To Deal With Difficult People

You need to practice compassion meditation if you can’t stand your relatives or coworkers.  Let’s get real, some people are difficult to like, love, or even tolerate.  We don’t get to choose your relatives or our coworkers.  However, remember that this year we resolved to be better people, take the high road, and become the best version of ourselves.  

Maybe It’s You?

There are many reasons why we can’t stand some people.  And to be honest, sometimes we are the problem.  Yes, I said it.  Reasons why we can’t stand other people include:

• Jealousy
• Sibling rivalry
• Shame
• Anger
• Hatred
• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Control issues
• Selfishness
• Low-self esteem
• Unforgiveness
• Loss, grief, sadness
• Impatience
• Stubbornness

Okay, breathe and look at that list again, but within a certain context. 

• Are you jealous because your co-worker got the promotion and you didn’t? 
• Does your brother still owe you money, but he bought a new car? 
• Do you want to control everything and everyone, all the time? 
• Did your best friend graduate from college but you didn’t? 
• Is your neighbor pregnant with her third child and you still can’t get pregnant? 
• Did your husband/boyfriend leave you and can’t stand for anyone to mention his name?  
• Are you 25 pounds overweight and just hating on your sister for still being the same size since high school?
• Do you have a hard time liking your mother (father, sibling, etc.)?
• Are you ashamed because someone found out you lied about them?

Of Course, It’s Them!

We can’t stand some people for very good reasons and it’s all there fault (we think).  For example, we know that there are people who don’t like us, would do anything to trip us up, talk about us behind our backs, and get on our last nerve.  So, who are these people? They may include the:

• Boss from hell
• Co-worker that took credit for your work
• Person your child is dating (that’s putting it politely)
• Know-it-all sibling (that’s me)
• Neighbor who passes you without ever saying “Hello”
• Pastor’s wife (yeah, I said it)
• Employee who is always late
• Spouse/partner who criticizes you in front of people

And, of course, there are people with whom we don’t get along with for absolutely no reason.  It’s just life.  They are who they are, and we are who we are.  We’re just humans doing life together the best way we can.

Why You Need Compassion Meditation

Life is hard, and we have to do life together.  So, compassion meditation helps to heal our relationships and move us forward.  Compassion meditation was created by researchers at the Center for Healthy Minds (CHM) at the University of Wisconsin.  Since then, others have created other variations, including “loving-kindness meditation.”

We must choose to be compassionate, every day (or sometimes, every minute).  Notably, compassion gets easier when we learn to be empathetic.  Empathy requires us to tune in to what someone else is feeling.  So, we choose to see an issue from their perspective and try to understand how they feel.  Then, we decide what to do with all the information.  Do we lean in and connect with it?  Or, do we remain distant and scrutinize it?  In fact, do we continue to criticize and stand our ground and insist that our way is the right way? 

Judgement always gets in the way of empathy and compassion.  Thus, when we choose to stop judging people and their motives and behaviors, we choose to heal and move forward—with or without them.

Compassion literally means “to suffer together.”  Being compassionate does not mean that we will like or love everyone.  However, it does mean that we understand that hurting people hurt other people.  Additionally, it means that we have the power to heal and the choice to let the healing start with us.  Dr. Deepak Chopra outlines several benefits of compassion. Being compassionate has many benefits.  For example, compassion:

• Gets rid on negative feelings
• Changes our mood
• Gives us an emotional lift
• Lowers inflammation in our body
• Lowers stress levels
• Increases our emotional intelligence
• Creates a peaceful atmosphere wherever you are

How to Practice Compassion Meditation

You may be familiar with the sayings, “Pray for your enemies.”  Well, this does not mean that you “pray” that bad things will happen to them and their families.  Instead, compassion meditation will allow you to “pray” for healing and the release of suffering for those people that you can’t stand or with whom you are having a hard time liking or loving. So, here are the steps to practicing compassion meditation.

Step One

To begin, sit with your feet on the ground or in a relaxed position.

Now, do five rounds of box breathing.  So, inhale slowly and deeply through your nose and count silently to the count of 4.  Feel the air as it fills your lungs and fills your abdomen.  Now, hold your breath to the count of 4.  Finally, exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of 4.

Step Two

Next, breathe normally.

Now, take a few seconds to visualize the person whom you dislike or with whom you are having difficulty.  Think about how this person has suffered in his or her own life, the difficult childhood, the disappointments, conflicts, and failures.  At this time, your heart begins to feel warm, open and tender.

Step Three

Continue to breathe normally.

Now, imagine a golden light connecting your heart to theirs.  On every exhalation, extend the golden light with a loving thought that he or she be free of suffering, hurts, and disappointments. 

Step Four

Next, silently repeat to him or her for about 1 minute:

• “May you be held with love and compassion.”
• “May you be free of pain, sorrows, and suffering.”
• “May you have joy, happiness, and peace.”

Step Five

Now, pause for 30 seconds. Then, continue to silently repeat the above mantra for 2 more minutes.

Finally, take several breathes and open your eyes. Congratulations. You have just done your first compassion meditation.

You must be wondering, “How often do I need to do this?” Well, I recommend that you practice compassionate meditation at least once a day. However, you may need to do it more often if you are really having a difficult day. Although, some people recommend doing it for 20 minutes a day, but that’s too long for me. 

But it gets better. You can create your own phrases or mantras. For example, you can say, “May you be successful in everything you do.” Or, “May you find the love that you’re looking for.” Isn’t that cool?

Now, It’s Your Turn

Given the benefits of compassion meditation, can your think about three people that you are having a difficult time liking or loving? If so, make a commitment to practice compassionate meditation to heal your thinking and attitude towards them. 

Finally, I think that you will also like the blog post on box breathing as a meditative practice to calm and energize as well you and the post on practicing gratitude.

We look forward to hearing about your experience in the comment section of this blog.  And, you can join the conversation on the Keep It Tight Sisters Facebook Page.

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