Breast cancer is ravishing my family, friends, and community. I have lost an aunt to breast cancer and one of my dear friends has lost two of her sisters. We look over our shoulders to see if it is stalking us, and we hold our breath at any sign of breast tenderness.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For some reason, rather than writing about it at the beginning of the month, I am writing the last week of the month. I’m aware of my procrastination. However, I have to celebrate my mom’s breast cancer journey during the COVID-era. Let us stop and remember to celebrate all that bring us light, joy, laughter, and peace.

This is an updated post of my mom’s journey. Oh, and by the way, even though she is almost blind and has crippling arthritis, she handmade her beautiful madras dress. It took her several months but sewed it by hand, not a machine.

The Phone Call

When you have elderly parents, you hold your breath every time the phone rings.  My sister was crying, “Mom found a lump in her breast.”  I held my breath. It was not what I expected to hear.

My mom, Christine, was 88 with a host of health issues—diabetes, hypertension, congestive heart failure, osteoporosis, and arthritis.  She has experienced and survived every known childhood illness of her time.

I sighed, “Please God, not cancer.” “Please God, not my mommy.” No type of cancer had touched my maternal family line until a few years ago when one of my mom’s sisters in London died a few years before.

Still Doing Breast Self-Exam?

My sister put my mom on speakerphone. “I was doing my monthly breast exam and I found a lump in my left breast,”  she said.  Wait, she still does monthly breast self-exam? I don’t even do it regularly and I am a professor who teaches health.

I said, “Mom, your breasts are old and they are probably just lumpy. It’s probably nothing.”  [So much for me doing active listening].

There is silence on the other end of the phone.  “I know my body and I have a lump in my breast,” she said emphatically.  “I’ve already called my doctor for an appointment.”  OK, that’s self-advocacy.

The mammogram confirmed that she had a lump, and the biopsy confirmed that it was cancerous. I tried to be brave but I was anxious and did not sleep well.  Auntie fought breast cancer bravely, but breast cancer fought harder.  Her breast cancer went into remission but came back stronger and she died slowly for almost a year.

A conference call with mom’s doctor told us that mom had Stage 0 breast cancer.  He was so proud that she was still doing monthly breast exams and had caught it very early.  Even though she demanded that both breasts be removed, he reassured her that only the affected breast needed to be removed.

No Breast Cancer Pity Party

My mom was not having any pity party.  She shot down all her elderly friends who told her not to have surgery because “once they cut you open the cancer will spread.”  Nope. She did not want to hear it. She said, “Either pray for me or leave me alone.”

I flew home to be with her for the surgery.  My oldest brother (yes, he is her favorite even though she denies it) sat in his car in the hospital parking lot. My older brother paced the floor, and my sister fielded phone calls in the waiting room.

Either pray for me or leave me alone

Christine

Kissing Mom’s Breast Goodbye

I went into the pre-op room to say goodbye to my mom’s breast.  We were all breastfed, but as the baby of the family, I thought it was my duty to officially say goodbye to the breast that had fed me for 9 months.  Afterall. I was the last one who had suckled and been nourished by it. I kissed the breast and thanked it for nurturing me and my siblings. My mom rubbed my head and reassured me that she would be OK.

My mom has survived breast cancer for five years.  She had an excellent checkup last week and is doing great. She will celebrate her 93rd birthday in December.

Now, It’s Your Turn

Thank you for taking the time to read about my mom’s experience with breast cancer. Regardless of the reason for your doctor’s appointment, always ask these 3 questions.

• Do you do monthly self-breast exam? If not, why not?
• Let’s break the silence and start sharing our family health history

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