“Knowledge of self is a powerful weapon.”

A few months ago, I regained my warrior spirit.  I did not even know that she had gone.

One day when I was feeling especially beaten up and sorry for myself, I decided to declutter my home office.  As an avid reader, I had accumulated hundreds of books over the years.  Additionally, I had accumulated a digital stockpile on my Kindle.

I decided to start with the bookshelves.  I had several shelves with books on feminist theory, Black feminism, and race, sex, and politics. In fact, some went as far back as undergrad days at Ohio State University where I was always the “only one” in most of my classes.  Others were added to my collection since I became a professor.

When Did I Lose My Voice?

I went from haphazardly tossing books into the donation pile to quietly skimming through several books.  I was especially drawn to several books by bell hooks: Talking Back,  Ain’t I A Woman: Black Women and Feminism, and Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics.  I also looked at Ain’t I a Woman: Female Slaves in the Plantation South by Deborah Gray White.

As I read excerpts from these books, I repeatedly asked myself, “Where did my voice go?” “When did I lose my voice?” I had not been to a rally in nearly two decades.  In fact, I had taken the easy way out by donating money.  I stopped showing up. I stopped being indignant. I stopped being a warrior.

Long sigh.

I went on Facebook and lamented that I had lost my voice.  My former graduate student, Mel, quickly put a stop to my pity party. How dare she not let me vent?

She wrote, “You did not lose your voice. You used your voice to speak life into us. We’ve taken up the mantle and we’re making noise.”  My bestie from graduate school noted, “You no longer have to talk because you’re walking the walk.”  Wow. Oh wow.

Coco Appears

The warrior in me started stirring and making herself known again.   My warrior spirit, Coco, was reborn.

Coco is my childhood nickname and is a derivation of my middle name.  Coco was the girl who stared at adults unblinkingly until she got what she wanted.  Coco was the girl who faced off her big sister’s bully.  Coco was the girl who held stubbornly to her mother’s leg and refused to stay at school the first day of kindergarten.  Coco was the girl who read to her mom late into the night while her mom sewed wedding dresses, Easter dresses, school uniforms, and one of a kind outfits for her clientele.  Coco was the little girl who ran after her older brothers to play ball, climb trees, and run foot races.

Name Your Warrior Spirit

I did not search for the name Coco.  I have been always been called Coco by some family members.  When I decided to embrace my warrior spirit, I did not search for a name.  Coco literally spoke to me and said, “I’m here.”

Understand the Purpose of Your Warrior Spirit

Some of the biggest battles we fight are with ourselves and within ourselves.  Your warrior spirit is a source of strength. She is the one who knows you intimately and gives you the pep talks to get moving and change directions.  She tells you to be brave, courageous, and fearless.  She also reminds you to be vulnerable, gentle, and kind.  Understanding your warrior spirit helps you to become more mindful as you stay in the moment while preparing for the challenges of life.

Guard Your Spirit Name

A few family members have always called me Coco, and it brings a smile to my face and reaffirms who I am.  My brother George and my cousin Teddy are the ones who consistently call me Coco. They can do so because they are two of my biggest heroes.  However, I do not let friends or strangers call me by that name. They don’t know me like that. You don’t know me like that. This name is sacred and honorable to me.

Refocus

This is my birth month and Coco and I are determined to choose our battles wisely, stand after we’ve been beaten down, rest when we are weary, run with the winds at our back, and face the sun. Always.

It’s Your Turn

1. Do you feel disconnected to your warrior spirit?
2. What steps do you need to reconnect or strengthen this bond?
3. Name your warrior spirit and speak to her often.

Please share your experience in the comment section of this blog. Or, you can join the conversation on the Keep It Tight Sisters Facebook Group.

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Keep It Tight Sisters.

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